one month...almost

My fellow citizens of the world,

I was going to write on the fifth, my one month anniversary of my arrival in the Emerald Isle. But, as blogging goes, I had an itch to write and to preserve the genuine thoughts and feelings that I have (what, you ask, she feels?) it's probably better for you the reader and me the writer to write when I actually feel like it. Same info, prettier wrapping paper.

(As I wrote that I got distracted by my apple genius playlist option and now I'm annoyed that I can't add songs to genius. Apple, get on that. Though, they are the creators of the non-multitasking iPad. Seriously, common. At least add a camera.)

ANYWAY How exactly can I sum up my first month-ish abroad?

I seemed to have defeated my bout of homesickness and I'm becoming more comfortable in my surroundings, slowly forgiving the confusing bureaucratic situation, going out on the weekdays (drunk on a Wednesday? Sure!), getting along nicely with my flatmates (and one unofficial, yet lovely flatmate), cooking my own dinners, and, in general, not trying to say "I'm sorry" in a disguised accent of my so choosing (I slipped once yesterday...I became French). My feeling of walking on egg shells, not wanting to disrupt the peace with my "Americanness" have almost gone. Though I'm still in a strange place socially as I'm having a difficult time relating to those in my program. Not what I quite expected for the first month.

So, what is left? I am assured that the next stage of my experience will be complete comfort, followed by falling in love with Ireland (or someone in it...probably not) then come April I wont want to leave.

But I feel that, with my comfort, I have begun to discover bits and pieces of myself and letting them grow. And these reese's pieces have made me realize that...maaaaaaybe I might have possibly kind of umm..err...chose the wrong place? Mmm?

OKAY No freaking out. I lied. There is no right or wrong. I didn't make a mistake. I am enjoying myself, learning about myself, and trying to connect with a place that I have so much heritage, history, and pride for.

But I can't help but think that everything here is so. damn. similar. The culture shock that I was warned about never quite came and I already find myself longing for travel. NO ENGLISH. I want Eastern Europe. I want Asia, and, help me, I want Africa. Boy do I want to go to Africa. I think about it everyday, how desperately I want to go to Morocco, South Africa, Egypt. Maybe even further east to India (yes, NOT part of Africa I know. Oh I had some Indian food for dinner tonight. Expensive but worth it. Plus I saved half for tomorrow). I'm looking at flights from Aer Lingus to Morocco, though I know it's a long shot. I want to live in a completely alien culture, learn from people, volunteer and help people.

This brings such mixed feelings for me because I am so grateful for this opportunity to be in beautiful, friendly, green-grey Ireland with its mild winters, spring in February, Guinness, mini-guinness, Jameson, fish 'n chips, potatoes, pubs, clubs, fair trade, organic, free range, butter and brown bread, friendly people always willing to help, tea, and wonderful scenery. I will fall in love with you, Ireland, it just takes me a bit longer than most. And once I forgive myself for choosing the safe option (because that's what I did, there's no bother denying that) I'll realize that studying abroad, no matter how 'safe' a country might be, it's still not home and I'm not in my comfort zone and I did take a risk.

So, cheers, Ireland, for, in the first month, helping me discover more and more of who I am and what I want to do, where I want to go and why I want to go there. Our relationship will get better and I'm optimistic that I will learn to love you.

Though I'm afraid that when I do, we'll only have a very limited time left.

Now...who want to be my friend?

Cheers,

me.